Three Months...and counting

Today marks three months since we lost Desi.  The day has gone by with very few tears and I've managed to keep myself busy.  It's so funny that the last few "milestones" have occurred on a Wednesday.  Shortly after losing Desi I signed up for the Ladies Bible Study at church that meet on Wednesday nights and has been AMAZING!  I give all the glory to God on that one!  He knows that these days are so hard and what better way to celebrate the life of my princess than to be surrounded with my Father's comfort and such wonderful ladies.

Life has pretty much gone on as usual in the Rodgers' household.  I find myself crying less and less but I still think of her constantly.  Instead of picking out her Christmas presents, I find myself picking out arrangements for her grave.  It's one of the few places where I can express my love for her in a tangible way, for all the world to see.  I want people to walk by her grave and say "that baby must really be loved and missed"!

It's so hard for me right now.  I know that people's lives are going on.  Babies are being born, holidays are right around the corner and life just seems to be a whirlwind.  I know that people are not necessarily going to forget this loss, but it will not be on the top of their mind like it has been the past few months.

With that being said, I got one of the best comments just now from my cousin Ryan who lives in Michigan.  Most of our communication is through email and facebook but I was moved to tears by her comment on my last blog post.  In her comment, she mentioned how hearing my story has reminded her of the blessings of her children, even when we are irritated with them.  She is so right and I find myself guilty of this even today.  I am so blessed to have Davin and I know now how short life really can be, but I still become frustrated at times with things that are so miniscule in the grand scheme.

In her comment, she also mentioned that she knows that I would give anything to get to experience those "irritating" moments with Desi.  That is so true and I love it that she thought of how I might be feeling in this time of loss.  I was just thinking yesterday that I would give up everything to have Desi back.  I would endure sleepless nights for years, a teething toddler, tantrums and fits.  I would give anything to watch her throw a little tantrum (never thought I would say that!).

God is so good!  He knew how badly I needed someone to remember Desi today and it just so happens that she left that comment.  He has used people in ways that I didn't think possible.  And when people have been absent, he has wrapped me up in His arms and given me the comfort that I so badly desire.  He is my comforter, my strength and the healer of my broken heart.

And so my journey continues.  Three months and counting, but I'm still living, laughing and loving, just a few more tears along the way.

Celebrating Three Months in Heaven - I miss you baby girl!