As most of you can tell from my last post, I have been having a pretty rough time lately. I am embarrassed because looking back at that post it makes me think...pity party anyone? I know that my emotions are normal and I shouldn't be ashamed of my feelings. I started this blog as a place to vent, not only for friends and family to know where I am, but also as a place for me to look back in years to come and hopefully see how far God has brought my heart.
I have had to let go of a lot of things in the last few months, including my high expectations that no person can live up to. Even though my grief is justified, I have to keep my priorities straight. There is no human being on this planet who can comfort me the way that I need to be comforted. There is no person who is going to know exactly what to say and when to say it. No one can read my mind...which is probably a good thing! I'm sure my thoughts would make anyone think that I am crazy!
Thankfully God knows what I need, when I need it. I feel the closest to Him through music. For those of you who have known me forever know that I love music! It speaks to my soul and that is usually how God speaks to me. I will have a really hard time with something and then the perfect song will come on KSBJ. I take my worship time very seriously because that is my time to sing to my Lord. I may not have the best voice in the world, but I know it tugs at His heartstrings when I sing with pure love for Him.
So speaking of music, last night I was driving home alone in my car and the most wonderful song came on that really addressed my last post. God spoke to me when I needed Him most. Here are some of lyrics:
Where Your Heart Belongs by Mainstay
You've been down the darkest roads
And you know just how it feels to lose your hope
But don't give up on everything
When everyone has given up on you
And it feels like everyone has left you
You're not alone, I hear you call
I've been waiting for you through it all
You're not alone, come to the cross
Let me show you where your heart belongs
You're not alone
I will never leave you, come back to My open arms
To the only love you need
In contrast to the lyrics, I do not feel like anyone has given up on me. But I have put such an emphasis on others remembering this loss and seeking comfort from others who cannot be here for me the way I need them. I would still love to hear from my loved ones every now and then but I did not mean to send a guilt trip to family and friends.
I love you all so very much and pray that you will all be patient with me as I navigate these tough times. I hope to learn a lot from my posts, for the good and the bad.
Thank you Lord for your endless love that you pour over me in so many ways. Lord, I pray that you will keep my eyes and heart focused on you in my darkest hours. I pray you will remove any disappointment and frustration from my heart and remind me of the many people who are still praying, remembering and encouraging me. You are my comfort and my healer. Only you know the true desires of my heart and I know that you will bring something wonderful from this tragedy.
We studied this scripture in our Bible Study last week and it has spoken to my heart on so many levels!
Revelation 21: 3-4 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.
Hallelujah! Let the music play, Lord. I love to hear Your song!!
A beautiful melody of joy in the grieving...that is your new song...at least for this season. Sing it bravely and unashamed, my love!
ReplyDeleteMom
Amen for That my Dear Girl - I love You Megan
ReplyDeleteI have tried to post several times in the past but for some reason it has not allowed me to. I will try again...
ReplyDeleteI just want you to know that I have read your blogs and I think you are a very strong woman for surviving this difficult time. I think you are very corageous and brave for sharing your emotions, your true emotions, as you work through this unimaginable difficult time. I love that you are brave enough to show your true emotions and not put on a front. I love that you can express all of your feelings (sadness, anger, confusion, times of feeling better, etc.) Do not appologize (or hold back) for your feelings because they are YOUR feelings that no one but you can feel or understand.
I know we are not close and do not talk but I think you are an amazing woman. I have felt so much anger and sadness for your loss as well as confusion. I pray that God will continue to heal your heart and continue to help you to navigate through everything that you are thinking, feeling, experiencing, etc.
Tammy
Praise God!! I am so touched beyond words Sweetie. God is good every second.
ReplyDeleteWe love you so Meagan.
Brenda
There are trials we endure that we don't deserve, but they are permitted. You read that correctly. Life includes trials that we do not deserve, but they must, nevertheless, be endured. In the mystery of God's unfathomable will, there are elements we can never explain or fully understand. Don't try to grasp each thread of His profound plan. If you resist my counsel here, you'll become increasingly more confused, ultimately resentful, and finally bitter. At that point, Satan will have won the day. Accept it. Endure the trial that has been permitted by God. Nothing touches your life that has not first passed through the hands of God. He is in full control, and because He is, He has the sovereign right to permit trials that we don't deserve.
ReplyDeleteWe do have an unseen enemy, but we have an even more powerful, unseen Defender.
Love You, and Pray for You Meagan
Your right, we are not mind readers and if you need to hear a voice, then a voice you will hear. Everyone needs a pity party every now and then. With everything you've been through you deserve one or one hundred. We love you!!
ReplyDeleteRita