Thanksgiving in My Heart

Yesterday on my way home from work, I received some of the best news that I have gotten in six months.  For some of you who may not know, when Derrick and I went in for our initial visit when we got pregnant with Desi, our OB found abnormal cells in my cervix.  He postponed doing a biopsy because I was pregnant but I knew it was something that had to be done once Desi was born.

Unfortunately, we lost Desi and I had to walk into this very scary situation without my little princess in my arms.  Early in December we went in for the biopsy and only had to wait a few days for the results.  The cells that were found in the biopsy were borderline precancerous and our OB was on the fence about doing surgery.  The surgery that is required when they find these kind of cells is to remove a portion of the opening of my cervix.  This would increase my chances of micarrying or going into preterm labor during the next pregnancy.  Definitely not an ideal situation given the fact that I will be anxious with the next pregnancy as it is.

Our OB recommended that we get a second opinion from an oncologist on whether we should move forward with the surgery.  I can tell you that God put the perfect oncologist in our path.  After tying unsuccessfully to book an appointment with three other oncologists, he led us to a doctor who specializes in gynecological oncology at MD Anderson.  He and his staff were amazing!  They made Derrick and I feel very comfortable and our doctor explained things in a way that we could actually understand!

He chose to do another biopsy just to double check the results and let us know that as long as nothing had changed, he did not feel that surgery would be needed.  Apparently, doctors are now finding out that they have been overtreating women who have abnormal cervical cells and were usually doing more harm than good.  He said that our chances of this turning into cancer is extremely slim.  As long as we check up on it every six months, I should be fine!!  What a blessing!

So yesterday I received the phone call from the oncologist's office and they told us that the cells that were found came back extremely low grade and were not even considered precancerous.  I will have to check on it every six months but we are free to start trying to get pregnant right away!!

This is where I need prayers.  I have mixed emotions on trying again.  On one hand, I am so excited at the possibility of having more children and getting pregnant again.  On the other hand, I am scared and anxious.  I know that it will be the longest nine months of my life and everyday will be a constant struggle to hand over all of those fears and worries to God and just trust Him.  This is where my faith will come into play.  Trusting God with ANY outcome - whether it means more children or more losses.  That is a very hard thing to wrap my head around.

Please pray for Derrick and I as we begin this next chapter of our lives.  This may just be the beauty out of our ashes.  Trusting God with any future children and relying on Him fully regardless of the outcome.  I have been hearing this saying a lot lately and it definitely rings true for me - God will not bring me to any situation that He cannot walk me through.

My new verse for this season of my life:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7