Last month was a very special month for me.  The day before Mother's Day, Derrick and I hosted a gender reveal party to find out if we are having a boy or a girl.  I read about this idea on a blog and decided that was how I wanted to find out.  We went to our big ultrasound that Friday and instead of having the technician tell us what we were having, I called our cake decorator and then we stepped out of the room while the tech told her what we were having.  The cake decorator tinted the inside of the cake blue or pink, based on the gender.  We, along with our family and friends, would all find out the gender of the baby when we cut the cake.  It was so exciting and our families were more anxious than we were!

After a big meal of BBQ and a game of girls vs. guys baby pictionary (the girls won!), we cut into the beautiful Bee Hive cake.  It was such a joyous moment that we were able to share with our friends, family and eventually on facebook with people who have been walking this path with us.

As most of you know, the inside of the cake was pink!!  Derrick and I were in a state of disbelief!  There were many reasons that I was convinced that we were having a boy.  First of all, my cravings were very similar to when I was pregnant with Davin.  I had moderate night time sickness like I did with Davin, but not as long as I had with Desi.  And the main reason Derrick and I thought we were having a boy - the ultrasound technician found the sex in about 2 seconds.  She told us to turn our heads so that we couldn't get a sneak peek and as soon as we had them turned she told us she was all done.  I thought for sure she saw a little something that so obviously belonged to a little boy!

I have to say, I am extremely grateful and relieved to be having a girl.  Before the party, I had said "it doesn't matter, as long as it is born alive".  I wouldn't even say healthy because in my mind, Desi was perfectly healthy.  I want to believe that if we would have been able to catch the umbilical cord kink that she would still be here.  Sure, she probably would have been in NICU for a month or two, but I choose to believe that she would have survived.

Even though my response to the baby's gender was genuine, there was this overwhelming feeling that I would never have another little girl.  I began to think about all the things I would miss out on and how horrible it would be to have my only baby girl pass away.  It was almost like losing Desi again.  When we cut into that cake and it was pink, my heart was so overjoyed.  I have thanked God a hundred times a day, not just for this healthy baby but also that He has given me the opportunity to be the Mommy to a little girl on this Earth.

With the cutting of that cake, a weight was lifted off of my shoulders and a love filled my heart.  Desi will always be my baby girl and I still grieve all of the memories that we do not get to share, but God is faithful and He gave us exactly what we needed.  He has given us another little girl to dream about and to love on.  I cannot express how thankful I am for this gift.  A little boy would have been awesome and I would have loved him with all of my heart.  But this little girl has helped to heal my broken heart in a small way.  I get to shop for bows, dresses and everything pink again.  I get to experience that mother daughter bond that I still grieve with Desi.  Even though Desi took a piece of me with her, the anticipation of Delayne has helped heal my heart in a small way.  And for that, I am so very thankful.

And for your viewing pleasure, pictures of our Gender Reveal Party!

Picture of our sweet Delayne - she was posing with her fist under her chin!

The beautiful Bee Hive Cake

Davin cutting into the cake

PINK!!  IT'S A GIRL!!!

We cannot wait for your arrival sweet girl - October 10, 2012