We are now eight months into our "new" normal and I have to confess, yesterday came and went and I actually didn't realize it was her eight month heavenly birthday.  As things get busier and life keeps going, I find myself stronger most days and thinking about the tragedy less and less.  I still think of Desi all the time, but it's usually happy thoughts.  I always think about what she's doing up there. 

In my heart, I just knew that she would be a little tomboy!  I wanted a girly girl so bad that I just knew God was going to give me a little girl who wanted to do everything her big brother did!  I imagine her up in heaven chasing frogs and rolling down hills of grass.  I guess I will have to wait until I get there to find out!

As you all know, Derrick and I are expecting what the babylost community calls our "rainbow baby".  I like this term because I think it is very accurate.  You can't have a rainbow without a storm.  You endure the storm, all of the wind, rain, lightning and thunder.  Sometimes the storm is scary.  Sometimes you feel lonely.  Sometimes you are left with tragedy when the clouds roll away.  But at the end of it all, there is a beautiful rainbow.  It brings a smile to your face to see it, even when you are still standing in the debris of that storm.

That's where I feel like I am right now.  We have experienced such a tragedy and there is still debris left all around us.  There are reminders of our sweet girl, there are times of anger and still quite a few tears.  But, God is faithful.  He has given us a beautiful baby that I get to dream about and plan for.  We will never be like we were before the storm.  The storm has shaped us into who we are today.  Everything after the storm will be even more beautiful, but the storm still happened and the tragedy will always affect our lives.

We are so thankful for this little life that we have been given.  I pray everyday for this baby and for it to make it's way to our home alive.  Please continue to pray for me as I deal with all new struggles as I still grieve Desi and prepare for Baby #4. 

Love,

Meagan